At the risk of muddling my online personae, I hereby confess to being the author of a short-lived Twitter character known as Lonely Ben Grimm (@LonelyBenGrimm). Lonely Ben Grimm was based on the troubled love life of the superhero, The Thing, who made his debut in Fantastic Four #1 fifty years ago. Conditions on the romantic front don’t appear to have improved much for Ben over the last fifty years, however, he doesn’t wallow in his misfortune nearly as much as he did in his earliest appearances. The self-pity in those early years was rather galling to young men like myself who had no better luck with the ladies than the Thing did, and without the silver-lining of being able to go toe-to-toe with the Incredible Hulk.
Here are a few samples of Ben’s pity party from the early Sixties as well as a selection of tweets inspired by the self-loathing superhero.
“The National Federation of the Blind says there’s 650,000 blind women in this country. What’s wrong with me???”
“Someone change the Baxter Building’s directory in the lobby. The new location of the Negative Zone is in my heart.”
“The Frightful Four broke into the Baxter Bldg last night. I won’t tell you what Paste Pot Pete did to my collection of Vampirella mags.”
“Mail today!!! A jury summons, a package fromYancy St, and an invitation to the Latverian embassy cotillion. Jury summons is likely a trap.”
“Nowadays, the only Marvel Two-in-One is when Johnny and I get She-Hulk really drunk.”
“I tried to write a love poem but the only rhyme I can think of for ‘Alicia Masters’ is ‘malicious bastards’”.
“Did some speed dating tonight…I think that’s what it’s called when ya walks inta a singles bar and all the women run out the back door.”