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So, What Was Lois Lane Up To 50 Years Ago? (#4)

November 15, 2011 by The Belated Nerd

From Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane #30:

“Lois Lane, Daily Planet reporter, has braved a thousand dangers without fear for her life! And why? Because she knows that, like a circus acrobat, she always has a ‘safety net’ under her that will prevent her from being killed! Lois’ ‘net’, of course, is Superman who usually keeps an eye on his reckless reporter girl friend! But one day, shockingly, Superman loses interest in saving the impetuous newshawk! It is then that the Planet’s star reporter faces certain doom on the fateful day…WHEN SUPERMAN ABANDONED LOIS LANE!”

It’s a busy day  for Lois Lane. On her schedule:  She must get a manicure before attending dinner with boss Perry White and his wife. Then she needs to acquire a window cleaner’s uniform so she can spy on mobster Phil the Wrecker (who she just happens to be scheduled to give evidence against at trial.)  Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen warn her of how dangerous her plans are (the spying, not the dinner party) but Lois insists that she can always count on Superman to save her if things get dicey. As usual, things don’t go according to plan. Her magnificently manicured fingernails alert Wrecker’s gang that the person outside their window can’t be a a real window cleaner, but is in fact a GIRL!

Wrecker and his gang see their opportunity to rid themselves a witness in his upcoming trial and unclip Lois’ safety belt. Superman arrives in the nick of time before Lois and her fresh manicure make contact with the sidewalk below. Superman lets Lois know that he is fed up with her recklessness and that he might not always be able to come to her rescue. Knowing Lois has not been sufficiently chastised by his lecture, Superman knows it’s time to teach Lois another lesson.

The next day, Clark and Lois visit a local dog show where Lois spots a drug smuggler making a drop. She ignores Clark’s suggestion that they alert the police and let them handle it, and pursues the criminal herself. Spotted by the smuggler, Lois nonchalantly buys a chocolate pop from an ice cream vendor. Before she can take a bite, a large black dog snatches the pop from Lois’ hand and gobbles it down. The dog suddenly convulses and collapses, whereupon Clark announces that the dog is dead and that the ice cream must have been poisoned. And Superman wasn’t there to help her if it had been her instead of the dog who swallowed the poisoned ice cream pop. We soon learn that the dog was Superman’s friend Krypto in disguise and that the whole thing was part of Clark/ Superman’s campaign to get Lois to stop thinking she can always count on Superman to come to the rescue.

As Superman and all the readers know, one lesson is never sufficient for Lois (three lessons are the accepted minimum). Just before scuba diving for a murder weapon, Lois is warned that the local waters are infested with killer octopi.  Sure that Superman will save her if she gets in trouble Lois dives to the sea floor where she is almost immediately seized by the eight tentacles of a giant octopus. Once again, Superman does not come to her rescue. Only the timely distraction of another swimmer saves her from being eaten by the creature. It turns out that Superman called in a favor from Aquaman (the other swimmer) and his friend Topo the octopus.

Lesson number three occurs at a recently burglarized fur warehouse where Lois gets herself locked in cold storage. Clark waits outside monitoring Lois’ condition with his x-ray vision. Not until Lois has almost frozen to death does Clark (not Superman) free her from the deep freeze.

Finally convinced that Superman has abandoned her, Lois notifies Perry White that she won’t accept any more dangerous assignments. Clark can barely suppress his pleasure with the success of his campaign but Jimmy Olsen is worried for Lois’ safety since she is due to testify against Wrecker and his gang the next day.

Jimmy’s fears are realized when Lois is met in her apartment that evening by Wrecker and his gang. Almost immediately, “Superman” appears and the crooks flee after their bullets bounce off of his chest. Lois is thrilled that Superman hasn’t abandoned her after all, and declares she will now return to taking whatever chances are necessary secure in the knowledge that Superman will always be there to protect her. No sooner does Lois rush downstairs to pursue her would be attackers, the real Superman arrives to confront his doppelgänger who turns out to be Jimmy Olsen wearing his Superman disguise and a bulletproof vest.  Alas, all of Superman’s efforts to teach Lois a lesson have been for naught.

1 Comment »

  1. Due to a magnet set that we have on our refrigerator, I ve gained an appreciation for Lois Lane comics.

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